Memories have a way at eating us up…. not allowing us to trust those around us or to open our hearts to others.
Every day, I find it harder to get by… at night I find myself trying to force myself to sleep… while the tears silently fall. Being a mother of an angel baby is not easy as most thinks. You see, as an angel baby’s mother, we have felt those sweet innocent babies kick from the inside… those babies are the only ones to have ever heard our heart beats from the inside.
To get through such a huge loss… it is a lot easier to handle with your partner… at times they become your bestfriend..as they understand what you are feeling and going through as they are dealing with the same emotions you are……
As Kaitlin’s mother.. I have found that Kaitlin’s dad is the reason that I get through each day… he is my bestfriend, my partner, my muse… he is the reason I get up every day. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. Don’t get me wrong, we are not that strong on the inside, we both ache and yearn for the same angel baby …. But together we are strong, as a pair, as a unit… we can pull through anything that life throws at us.
As Kaitlin’s daddy, he is amazing. Taking care of his son, going to a job that he does not always care for, and making sure he is strong for his son… and for me. He has amazed me as each day passes….
These are the things you learn while grieving for your angel baby……
There is someone you can connect with even if you don’t have a partner there by yourside… you can turn to family and friends.
As Kaitlin’s mommy, I have relied on the one person that understands the most.. the one that gives me a reason to get through each day.. and stuck by my side after we lost Kaitlin. He did not desert me as a previous person did when I miscarried back in 2005. He has stuck by my side through it all… even after we miscarried 6 months after losing Kaitlin.. he still is with me. He has shown so much support and care that I wish I could give him the moon, the stars, and the sun….
He is the reason I can talk about Kaitlin without breaking down every time.. to make plans for her site. Don’t get me wrong, there are still those times when I am alone that the tears do flow…. and there times we talk about Kaitlin that we both tear up… but we are together, we can get through it. We can help Kaitlin to live on even if not physical here.
All angels deserve to be remembered.